This Is Not A Concert Review: The Sword at Paper Tiger
The Sword at Paper Tiger. Photo by Lauren Hernandez
I talked to a billion people today, and I’ve never felt worse.
I was texting my best friend, Cob, earlier. He’s somewhere out there. We talked about how hard it is to organize writing, and how Kurt Vonnegut is so fucking good at it. This article won’t be Slaughterhouse-Five. If anything, it will be reminiscent of a slaughterhouse: smelly, emotional, screaming, unorganized, cut up, and maybe somehow oddly reflective.
I knew it would be a packed night, but I didn’t expect everyone I’ve ever met who listens to music to be in attendance.
A girl I travelled to Milan with and all of her zine-y college friends, acquaintances I used to see monthly at the Paper Tiger from the ages of 14 to whenever, old pals from my days with Nine Pin Punk, every concert photographer in SA, all of my cousins?
Yeah, I showed up to the venue today determined to photograph every band. It sucked. I stressed myself out. I didn’t have fun until the final song of the final band of the night. If you see me, tell me to start enjoying my life again. Tell me to eat something. And help me get a job. I’m begging you (but I’m not trying to sound desperate. Employers hate that, apparently.)
Grrrltoy was on in the small room. I ran into the lead singer in the bathroom and told her I’d snap some good pics. I think I did. The band was cool. They are named after a vibrator. They informed the crowd that it’s illegal to own more than six of them in Texas. Maybe that’s why they’re a three-piece.
Grrrltoy at Paper Tiger. Photo by Lauren Hernandez
Dutch Interior was supposed to be next, but my girlfriend informed me an hour before the show that they dropped the tour due to a family emergency. No wonder they never emailed me back about that photo pass… I just wanted them to know that they are my number one band of the year. They are helping me get through my family emergency.
Lowertown was who everyone was waiting for. They are THE SHIT for my generation. At least that’s what I told all the old fogeys I was chatting with. My sister Kendall and this guy who looked cool opened up a pit by the second song. Kendall has been begging me to listen to Lowertown for five years. I never really did. Their album cover scares me. But I haven’t seen Kendall’s eyes glow like that in a long time. She seemed really happy.
I asked her the next day, “What did you think of Lowertown?”
“I liked them.”
“Do you have anything else to add?”
“No.”
On the main stage, I caught the start of Rickshaw Billie’s set. It was fun and people were clearly into it, but I was so intrigued by Lowertown’s everything that I sadly dipped. Rickshaw Billie’s Burger Patrol was very nice, though. After their set I talked to Oscar, my favorite photographer in the world. He snapped the coolest photo of the band launching someone into the crowd. How sick.
The Sword was the final band of the night. Lowertown said that when they pulled up, they realized they’d be sharing the venue with The Sword, so they listened to a few of their songs at the Greek restaurant next door. They said The Sword is the greatest band of all time.
Everyone loved them. People were drunk, happy, and jumping for joy for good music and the weekend.
I interviewed two guys I saw sitting alone. Both of their names were Robby. That’s wild. They were roommates in college. UTSA. They work cool little jobs. They listen to classic rock. They came here for a good time. They said The Sword “tore the house down.” They seemed like good friends, but they went to Laserfloyd together for Valentine’s Day… so maybe they are more than friends? Who can say.
My cousins were there. They were drunk. I love them.
“How drunk are y’all tonight?”
Frank: “I could drive.”
Q: “Stone cold sober.”
Kat: “Like a 9.”
Blake: [holds up 8 fingers]
“I’m interviewing you. How was y’all’s night?”
Kat: “It was great!”
Blake: “Excellent.”
Q: “I don’t speak English.”
“What was your favorite part?”
Blake: “The rocking and rolling.”
Kat: “The head-nodding.”
Q: “It was a cloak of feathers.”
“And who are y’all’s favorite bands?”
Blake: “Uh, The Sword and–”
Kat: “The Sword!”
Q: “Kenny G!”
Lastly, here’s my girlfriend Hallah’s perspective. Her favorite artists are probably SZA and Adele. She calls my music “ra-ra” music, I guess because it’s loud. She usually prefers going to the club.
On Lowertown, her voice memo stated: “They are all sexy people. Their music was good. It was no ra-ra music. It’s something Hallah would listen to in the future. Overall, they’re still performing, but I would give it a solid 8.7 out of 10. I like Lowertown. Yes. That is my opinion. On a scale of drunkness out of 10, I’m a solid 6, 7 right now.”
And here’s my transcription of her voice memo she recorded after seeing The Sword: “Just watched a couple songs from The Sword, and, honestly, pretty good, but Cyrus made a pretty good point – he said that all the songs sound the same. Say hi.”
“Sup”
“Yeah, so, honestly, I was pretty much just jamming out. There was a cool little mosh pit, I grabbed two ponytails tonight, I pranked one dude. It didn’t really work. Cyrus double-pranked this other dude, and I had to awkwardly wave at him. But overall, I’d rate their set a solid 8 out of 10, I was jamming for sure.”
So, um, that was the Paper Tiger on Friday night. I’ve got nothing else to say.